Caccha's Labradors: Amazing Nash

Nash passed away yesterday, November 14th, at 8:34 PM.
He was 17 years old and 4 months.
7/20/2000 - 11/14/2017

Present for his conception, birth, all that lies between, and through to his death.
A wondrous gift. Love to my Willow (The Willow)

Nash standing in the middle, first time outside - it's a big world 8/2000 (6 weeks old?)

Final resting place - The Porch 11/15/17

"He's still here."

This became the daily mantra for the last stretch.

Nash passed naturally by my side with Grace and Halo nearby. Pearl and Willow Sunshine had yet to come up to bed. His decline began November 4th. He woke not feeling to well.

Youtube video of a special moment in time in the sunshine with my amazing boy:

Nash November 4th 2017

I can't hold him enough.

Still loves his cheerios, kibble, and apples 11/4/17

He "bounced" back, as much as a dog of 17 can bounce back from anything. The big change came last weekend. First refusing food, then water, and oh, so tired. Making "The Call" a constant, but never reach fruition.

. "Spend this night with him, and decide tomorrow." said my sister. He wasn't suffering, just tired.

Oh so tired, Old man doesn't bounce back so well. 11/4/17

A gray, cloudy, cold November day. Another day home from work. Final days, moments, with my boy. These final moments summed up best in an email. Final moments I would not have if I had euthanized. Which was always an option. For whatever reason, which I can not explain, that way was never clear. I never got that message, and could not in good conscience follow. So we waded on through doubt, wonder, and love. Dying at home was the only clarity.

I searched for clues, and answers when the realization on where our path was headed. I best prepare myself. I searched for signs.

These two messages presented themselves:

Anaflora: When Your Animal Friend is Dying The first sentence reads: "Whenever possible it is best to allow the animal to die in a natural way." It shared what to expect. Still at this point I was not committed to Nash going naturally, but nature was leading us in that direction. Also, it seemed at this point we had long passed the "Time to Make The Call."

Spirits in Transition: Following Their Path All the Way: "Options in end-of-life-care for our animal companions. Seven or eight years ago I heard of this program, new and just starting. Why had those words "spirits in transition" popped into my head at this particular time.

Special final moments, midday 11/14/17

A Few Final Moments - Email to Ma and Wendy

"Really the last week, four days, so special! "

The time in front of the fire,

Giving him the two bath's

Pealing apples with him at my feet and with the girls around, the fire going.

Yesterday, just being able to be here, and not expected to be anywhere

The way he called to me

That day in the sunshine

Sleeping by his side, and having his head rest on my arm, and feeling the warmth of his body as my hand rest between his legs to feel his heart beat.

Changing his little diaper six times in one night! How can he have so much fluid when not drinking?

Turning him over -and having him ask to be repositioned.

Cleaning up his poopy mess, and making sure he stayed clean the last 24 hours

Holding him

Smelling him

Giving him eye drops, and moistening his mouth

And after all the worry and doubt, having him go right after talking to you and texting mom

Having him go peacefully, at home, surrounded by his girls

The whole expanse of his life is a lot to process.

Even the gray cold November days were appropriate.

I miss him;

yesterday, when he was in and out of his body, I knew he was there, because when I wasn't in the room he would whimper. It was the sweetest, saddest little sound. like a puppy. I of course would go to him, and hold him, and he would stop.

I really do think you are right that he left his body that night, but kept coming back.

The girls seem fine. Of course.

Holding Nash - Wendy truly says good his time - 11/12/17

A change of space. Peeling apples for apple sauce, time in front of fire,

and last time all together in front of the fire. 11/13/17

All that remains are echos

Echos of his barking (yarping) to notify me he was wanting: food, water, to go out (he never messed himself unless I got lazy and broke our routine), too cold, too hot, needed to be turned over, he was stuck (which we curtailed early on), or company.

Where these pads have traveled are now echos 11/4/17

Echos of images - shadows of where he once lay and the time spent caring - taking him out, our morning routine, routine before leaving the house, going to work, eating. Planning ahead, even to the point of how to take him out - first, put the girls in the house, then open porch door, put shoes on, and then go get him.

Even though his end was expected, his presence was immense and leaves a space. I hear him when I get out of my car in the driveway, I hear him when I enter the house, and even though I know I don't have to rush upstairs first thing, I still do.

Empty bed, I hurry to check - knowing, still I do. 11/15/17

If he's sleeping don't wake him, plan events around his naps. Nope sorry, can do go out then, Nash will be awake, I can go when he is napping.

I didn't mind all this - it was just the way it was. It was a decision I made, a decision which made everything that much easier to accept, and allow me to be present.

I love my boy and miss him.
Enjoy your new journey my friend.
Don't go far, we are here waiting.